Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
