remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
