I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
