he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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