I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's official drugs can't kill me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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