i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
