i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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