I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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