it hurts more in the daytime
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
