My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
