dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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