YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize