i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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