Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
