can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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