i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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