how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
