If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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