God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
