that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
