She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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