Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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