There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
