Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
