I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
