1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
