4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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