You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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