....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
