Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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