I am spending my child support on dildos
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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