my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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