i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
