The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
