Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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