i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
