I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
