well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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