well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
