It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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