I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
