I hate your face
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
