You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
