If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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