I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
