Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
