i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
