I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
