I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
