ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
