anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
