you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
