Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
