So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
