I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
