is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
