after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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