She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
