I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
