Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
