Ambien. No doubt about it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
