Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
