But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
